Popular questions people ask the internet about cycling

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer.

We reckon you’re either back at work wishing you weren’t, or at home wondering when you can next get out on the bike.

The auto suggest results provided by Google & Bing provide the most bizarre and wonderful insight into the public’s psyche. So in order to provide you with a little light relief over the festive period, we visited ‘Answer the Public‘ and found some of the most popular questions people ask the internet about cycling. We may have also provided a few answers too… to the best of our ability…

Cyclists are jerks and narcissists. Cyclists really are vile.

Bit harsh. Cyclist have feelings too, and sometimes families, and normally a lower carbon footprint.

Where, and how, do cyclists pee?

Normally in toilets, urinals, or the occasional bush. Cyclist are believed to have the same pelvic floor muscles as other non-cycling humans.

Where do cyclists put their balls? 

In ancient times it was only women who were able to ride bicycles. However thanks to modern technology, men can now cycle, too. Specially designed “manniers” (man panniers) keep the balls safe and warm throughout the ride. Alternatively, they can be put in the back jersey pocketà la ‘Our Mate David’.

Cycling and erectile dysfunction.

Probably one you should speak to your doctor about.

Priest vs. cyclists

What do cyclists do in the winter? 

It is a common misconception that cyclists hibernate during the winter. While cyclists tend to slow down during the winter, they are not true hibernators. Cyclists do go into a deep sleep during the winter months, known as the off season. To get ready for winter, cyclists will eat more than usual during the autumn to store up body fat.

Which way should cyclists ride?

Forwards is usually best. If you’re in a circus, sometimes backwards.

Why do cyclists hate triathletes?

Because they can do two other sports.

Cyclists with beards / long hair / tattoos

Perhaps you mean bikers?

Is cyclists allowed on dual carriageways?

Yes, subject to mental instability. You’ll only try it once, though.

What do cyclists want for Christmas?

For people to stop asking why they wear Lycra and numerous other stupid questions. They annoy us so much that we’ve dedicated a whole blog to them.

Will cycling reduce belly fat?

Depends how many cake stops you have.

Can cycling increase height?

No. That’s not how exercise works.

Who discovered cycling?

Archaeologists discovered remnants of the first bicycle, believed to be from the Stone Age, in September 1960. The original design had 2 large stone wheels but no pedals.

Where to sit on the saddle?

For best results, we strongly advise sitting on top of the saddle.

Cycling when drunk

You’ll think you’re going much faster than you actually are, because you’ll have fallen off and be lying in a hospital bed. They’re not that aero.

Cycling who wins?

The one who crosses the line first. Or the one who comes fourth but then the people who cross the line ahead of them have been caught for doping.

Are cycling shorts in fashion?

According to Vogue they were indeed à la mode this summer – team with an oversized blazer and heels for that, ‘I commute by bike and forgot to pack my skirt again’  look. Well, if it’s good enough for Kim…

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Cycling poncho

Never wear these.

Cycling airbag

What?

Why do cyclists like coffee?

Because it’s hot and it gives them more time to talk about cycling.

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